So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
