people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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