she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
