my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
