god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
