Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
