I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
