My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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