I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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