you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
