I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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