When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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