I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
