is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
