There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize