get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
