broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize