Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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