So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize