my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Boobs speak an international language.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
