I think im going to throw up on grandma
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
