im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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