Banned from zoo.
Again?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
