i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
