I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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