You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
