i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
