apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
