how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize