your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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