Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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