totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
