Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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