can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
