he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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