You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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