The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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