HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
