Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
