I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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