help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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