I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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