remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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