Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize