Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?