It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?