His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager