Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.