I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost