I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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