He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
