ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
