Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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