community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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