Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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