I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
