So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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