He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
