Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
