So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
