what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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