is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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