Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
