wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
