it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
