So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
