I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I have post one night stand depression
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